Summer in Boston: a tourist trap

By Gina Curreri, Staff Writer

Here we are, lucky enough to spend our summer in Boston. It’s nice, right? Fewer college kids tramp around the streets, school is out and maybe you’re even reading for fun again. It even looks as if summer has finally arrived—Wednesday, June 20 brings 94 degree, sweltering heat. With it probably comes more tourists, sweating under those fanny packs and strutting their stuff in sneakers with maps in their hands.

Wait, strutting? No. They’re moving at turtle speed as you, a Boston University student, are running late at 10 a.m. to your part-time job because you overslept after drinking too much at TITS, The Draft, you name it.

You swerve left, they swerve left. You slow down and wait for an opening, their kid decides to pop out of nowhere. It’s okay, they’re just tourists. Be nice so they enjoy the city. We’re all tourists at some point. No, screw that. They’re really not moving, and you’ve got five minutes to get to the store, pick up coffee and be on the floor at your job. Blow past them, there you go. Smack! Other people are walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk. Pedestrian traffic rules don’t apply, apparently. This is Comm. Ave. during the first week of school all over again.

You finally get to your job. You’re ten minutes late because you didn’t account for all of the locals, who make up Fenway traffic. We’ll call them local tourists, straight outta the burbs. But after that difficult journey to work, you now know who to expect looking confused and sunburnt, buying everything and asking you where the “subway” is. (They mean must that sandwich shop, right?)

Boston gets touristy. Aside from walking like they just learned how to, here’s some other ways to spot tourists in Beantown:

1. They’re ordering a “Boston Lager,” but they hate it. Hell, do people really like that? They take two sips, and it sits on their table. They order Guinness, Heineken or a standard American brew afterward. More poor choices.

2. Cameras around their necks. Wait, does that even apply anymore? That could be your hipster friend with her DSLR she carries everywhere to take pictures of every meal she eats. That one’s out.

3. They’re riding the Hubway. Let’s be real—the only people who actually ride those things are not from here. Anyone knows it’s way cheaper in the long-run to just buy a bike off Craigslist to use. Boston knows how to squeeze every penny out of those tourists. Keep it up, Menino. You’ve got my vote.

4. They ask you for directions. Feel cool! You look like a local even though you’re most likely not and were just as touristy two years ago touring schools. Kudos, you’ve made it. Maybe when you go home your family out west will even look at you like you’re Tom Brady. Wicked cool.

For more on Tom Brady, acting wicked cool and talking with a Boston accent in another city, check out this YouTube clip of Tom Brady acting wicked cool, while talking with a Boston accent in another city: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ttYATyo6eA

Follow Gina on Twitter at @ginacurreri.

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