Baby Ducasfilm

By Jasmine Ferrell, Staff Writer
@JasmineInBoston

Forget about the hurricane hype, forget about the elections and anything else that may seem important. (Okay, don’t. Those things are important.) But there’s been other big news recently: Disney bought Lucasfilm for more than $4 billion. There’s even a new Disney “Star Wars” in the works. That’s right. In case you haven’t heard the news, let it all sink in. Lucasfilm is going to be absorbed into the massive Disney machine that we all know and dearly love. Now this leads a person to wondering, what does this exactly mean? To me, it sounds like they’re going to have a baby. The articles detailing the business exchange might as well be a birth announcement welcoming “Ducasfilm” (or “Lisney” if you prefer) into the world. Ducasfilm will be a combo attack blending the best of both worlds. To illustrate that, I’m digging through some of Lucasfilm’s classics and adding a little sprinkle of Disney.

Lucasfilm

“Willow”

First off, I bet a lot of people don’t even know this movie. It basically is an epic adventure tale following Willow, a fledgling magician, as he protects a super special baby from an evil queen. This movie is first because it already has so many classic Disney bits built in. A loveable, cranky dwarf? Got it. Evil queen? Wouldn’t exist without it. And what about just plain magic? All the sparkles you want. So, what would Disney add to it if they remade it? Well, it’s almost too simple: Disney would just animate the whole thing.

“Indiana Jones”

This film series is recognized everywhere, and the first movie is a must see for anyone. The whole action adventure angle would put this film in the caliber of “Pirates of the Caribbean.” That being said, we need to give Indiana a more kid-friendly vibe and make him act like a drunk. Face it, Indiana is just too clever right now and he doesn’t have enough nonsense one-liners. Another thing to do with this almost historical and realistic film series is to throw in something completely unnatural, for example: Aliens. Oh, never mind. George Lucas already did that… Disney’s got a tough gig making Indiana Jones any better.

“Star Wars”

A beast of a film series that could not be ignored here. The “Star Wars” films are the movies everyone associates with Lucasfilm. Many people think these films are close to perfect, but Disney would have to differ. How is “Star Wars” supposed to fit into a collection containing “Cinderella,” “Snow White” and the like? Music is the first thing that would have to be improved. The theme song is a good start, but we need more characters singing throughout the film. (I can already see you “Star Wars” fans cringing.) I picture an Obi-Wan singing “Someday my Jedi prodigy will come” as he gazes out his spaceship before landing on Tatooine. Next we have got to make Yoda cheekier. He’s a pretty solid character, but nothing that an iconic, random giggle and some white gloves couldn’t fix. Lastly, we just can’t have all the death and we just need to stop after Anakin is orphaned, or at least we need to add some fairy godmothers.

Ducasfilm will be a majestic creature to say the least, and it’ll be interesting to see how it grows up (especially since Star Wars is getting a reboot off the bat). For now though, don’t forget to send your Congratulations to the parents!

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