Tagged: Love

Love what you do

By Robin Ngai, Staff Writer
@bluebird1278

Come graduation, will you love your job?/ PHOTO VIA Flickr user Bing

Come graduation, will you love your job?/ PHOTO VIA Flickr user Bing

Once again it’s the time of year where seniors (and sometimes juniors) graduate and begin living in the “real world” — a world where you enter true adulthood and (hopefully) land a job that both pays the bills and makes you happy.

As a rising junior, quite frankly this whole idea terrifies me. Luckily, I’ve still got two years to figure out what to do. But there are those of us in the B.U. community who will be graduating in less than two weeks. For these almost grads, Huffington Post complied a list of “15 Revealing Signs You Genuinely Love What You Do.”

Some are goals that are attainable (not looking at the clock all day, thinking in terms of positives rather than negatives), and some are a bit far fetched (I’m not sure if anyone will ever enjoy meetings). At the end of the article you can add up your points received for each answer provided to see which end of the spectrum you fall into: you really do love your job, or you should seek other employment opportunities.

In times like these, finding a job that fulfills the checklist can be difficult to do, due to financial concerns and job openings. People often find it hard to be picky about their opportunities, and being passed over for a job is bound to happen sooner or later. Despite a bleak outlook at the economy and job market, things are actually looking up.

According to the New York Times, the job market for college graduates is actually improving (even if it is only a slight improvement, it’s better than nothing). So, soon-to-be graduates, don’t give up just yet!

Leaving college can be scary, but you should know that there are jobs out there that will bring you happiness. You may get lucky and land it immediately, but if you don’t, be patient. Work hard, do your best to find ways to love what you do, and don’t get discouraged. Good luck and best wishes to the Class of 2014!

Galentine’s Day

By Robin Ngai, Staff Writer
@bluebird1278

Once again, it’s that time of the year again when chalk-tasting Sweethearts are back on shelves, heart decals are plastered on dorm windows, and couples seem to increase by the dozens.

Yes ladies and gents, it’s Valentine’s day, that holiday where we define love by the amounts of chocolates or flowers we get from our significant others and the sappy e-cards our parents send to us. It makes us question what love really is, and whether it even exists.

There’s a lot of deep thoughts going on about love, and sometimes they may even create some existential crises.

But this Valentine’s day I won’t be so focused on a single pity party. Instead, I see it as the time of year to celebrate Galentine’s day. As Amy Poehler states it’s a day for “ladies celebrating ladies.”

Usually Galentine’s day is celebrated the day before Valentine’s day, but for all us single ladies out there, we might as well make it a two day extravaganza! From going out to dinner with some of your favorite gals to making voodoo dolls of ex-boyfriends (I’m kidding, I promise), there are many great ways to celebrate.

Boston also has some fun events planned for the next week in celebration of Valentine’s/Galentine’s day. You can volunteer with animals (who doesn’t love kittens and puppies) or attend a glass-blowing class (after all, nothing says love more than glass-blowing).

Closer to campus, there are a variety of dating games going on. Here are just a few put on by different student groups:

1. The Dating Game! Hosted by BU Central

2. Speed Dating: Hosted by Towers RHA 

3. Hillel Speed Dating: Hosted by BU Hillel 

So whether you’re spending this weekend with your significant other or significant gals, love is in the air.

Science Tuesday: Lust Before Love

By Sanah Faroke
@sanahfaroke

More often, we notice people holding hands as they walk down Newbury Street or sneak kisses while waiting for the T. Either you’re disgusted by it or you’re the one snogging up a storm. We didn’t see it coming, but Valentine’s Day is nearly here, and just like that, love sneaked up on us.

It was that spark that started it all, right? Both of your favorite foods are sandwiches? He saw your blue eyes and it reminded him of the ocean. The list goes on and on

I hate to break it to you sweetheart, but love doesn’t just happen out of nowhere, and it actually has more to do with your brain than your heart.

Those feelings of fluttering butterflies in your belly could be love (or that you ate too many cookies). It’s a little depressing, I know – especially for me because I really like those Girl Scout cookies – but the science behind love works in our favor. According to Helen Fisher, a researcher at Rutgers University, there are three stages of falling in love: lust, attraction and attachment.

I’m not gonna lie, one of the best parts of the Super Bowl was the ad where David Beckham takes off his shirt and runs around. Why is he running? Who knows? But let me tell you – no one is complaining. Sex hormones aren’t limited to just men. These hormones are a main component for a woman’s sex drive, which create our lust factor for David Beckham and his sculpted figure.

Then comes the phase where you can eat, sleep, think and talk about involving this other significantly amazing person. This is also the phase where your roommates will probably want to tape your mouth closed. In other words you’re on basically cloud nine.

Well, come back to reality for a bit because neuro-transmitters called ‘monoamines’ are the reason why you’re on this high. They’re practically like drugs that your brain produces. Dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin are all chemicals that create the whole love-stuck experience. Dopamine is also activated by cocaine or nicotine. Norepinephrine is basically adrenalin which causes our hearts to race and serotonin is one of the most important chemicals in love — it’s the one that drives you bonkers.

After you’ve both decided that you like one another, it’s time to have “the talk.”

Let’s talk about ‘us.’ What are we doing? Can I change my Facebook status? Actually, don’t ask that one even though you want to define the relationship because, well, you’re finally attached. You want the commitment of the other person for fear that they’ll find someone else. It’s all because of two hormones released by the nervous system.

Oxytocin creates the strong bond and also is released when two people have sex, which is why people swear that the more sex you have, the deeper the relationship is (but remember, it’s just a theory)! Vasopressin, another chemical, is released after sex and is said to create a bond. A word to the wise, don’t go around sharing your Oxytocin with just anyone!

While you’re in your 20s, don’t feel too ashamed to still be in that awkward phase of coffee dates and not knowing what your “type” is.

So how much chemistry do you really have with that gorgeous person you see around campus? Did you look at him by accident? Did he stare back? Did you both smile at each other but nothing happened? Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, so step it up! Who knows when the next straight one is going to come along.

And just in case things don’t go as planned, there’s always Ben and Jerry’s.

But, on a positive note, always remember — love never goes as planned. Just look at Amy and Sheldon’s relationship on “The Big Bang Theory.” There’s a weird (lack of) sexual tension from misguided dirty talk, yet, I’m in love with them. As soon as you find your lust factor, there are only two steps left to love anyways, right? Go get ‘em tiger.

Fashion Padawan: The Shoes I’m Currently Coveting

By Danny McCarthy, Staff Writer
@dannyvonunicorn

Nothing beats classic./PHOTO VIA Danny McCarthy

Shoes are the foundation of any outfit. And if we’re going by my shoe collection, my outfit is built on a foundation of sand and Jell-O. I’m not saying my harem of shoes is dismal, but it could definitely stand to be improved upon. I think one reason I hardly ever buy shoes is that it is such a major purchase and I don’t do well with bigger decisions. Just ask anyone who is out to dinner with me.

But let’s call a spade a spade: Shoes are more expensive than your average article of clothing. And, after all, shoes tend to get more wear and tear than your sweater, unless you’re doing weird things with that sweater.

So if one day I hit the jackpot/pull a bank job (which one do you is more likely?) and I decide to spend some of my millions on shoes, here are the shoes I’d currently go for:

Shoes I Heart:

1. Clarks Desert Boots: Okay, so I already have a pair of Clarks Desert Boots, but I have the “Sandy”-colored ones. I have my heart set on the brown suede, a chocolate-y dream that would do wonders for my autumnal outfits. Dark brown suede, dark jeans and a cozy striped sweater: could anything be better than that?

Price: $120

Years of My Life That I’d Be Willing To Give Up: 1.5

2. TOMS: These are adorable and need to be in my life. I bought my first pair of TOMS over the summer, and fell in love. I went for the safer black color, but I want to own a pair of red slip-ons before the end of this year. They’re so light and comfortable; I feel like I’m walking on a cloud that a child in Africa is also walking on. Side note: make sure you wear socks with TOMS, because if you don’t, they will smell and you will be embarrassed.

Price: $48

Years of My Life That I’d Be Willing to Give Up: .6

3. Sperry Top-Siders: The only pair of shoes I have never owned; and I want to so badly. I want to go for the Original in either light blue or faded green, but they’re expensive enough to give me pause. I used to hate Sperry Top-Siders because I thought they were very “Dad”-ish, but they’ve grown on me, like fungus on the walls of Lascaux Caves (too soon?).

Price: $70

Years of My Life That I’d Be Willing to Give Up: 2

So there you have it, a peek into my deepest shoe desires. This also goes for anyone who wants to buy me a present: Let’s hold off on the gift-cards, and look to the aforementioned items for reference. Thanks!

May the Fashion Be With You!

Everyday Philosophies: To my playmates

Belén Cusi, Staff Writer
@belencusi

I’m in a VERY philosophic mood today. So, let’s talk about love.

“Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.”

Yeah, I can live with that. That’s psychologist and social philosopher Erich Fromm in “The Art of Loving.”

Stay with me. It isn’t as cheesy as it sounds. A friend recommended the book to me during my summer abroad in Argentina, so when I ran across an old $2 copy at a used bookstore, I went for it. “El arte de amar.” It sounds nicer in Spanish, I must say. Less self-help-ish.

But let’s get to the heart of the matter. Pun intended. Why am I reading this book? Besides holding my friend in high esteem and trusting the advice, I also confess to having strayed from my “love is good and pure and wonderful” days, when my actions were still more or less guided by my Catholic faith and my vision of love was a fairy tale of prudence and promise rings. Let’s just say I’ve had my fun, if you will, over the last few years. I’ve met fun people, good-looking people (so handsome), weird people (really weird). I’ve played around, almost thought I was in love, knew I definitely was NOT in love, indulged in some plain craziness… all in the name of adventure.

What I haven’t had is what I’ve actually wanted all along: a boyfriend, a serious relationship, that feeling that I’ve got a partner in this world who is there for me and me for him, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. What I haven’t had is something real. Love. And the ironic thing is that I’m actually someone who loves people very much. People, human beings, humanity. I have so much love to give that it hurts, but a couple of heartbreaks in the last few years have turned me into a sneaky, hard, apathetic person. Instead of reacting to my disappointments with love, I shut myself off from it. Sound like anyone you know?

I basically made myself fool-proof against rejection. It’s not hard. Just date multiple people at the same time, free and easy. Play. Don’t commit. Someone’s always around, you’re never alone, you’re always wanted and best, you’re always in control. The problem with this method is that after while, short or long, you just feel like shit. You do. And you’re lonelier than when you started because you know in your heart that it’s not really you—you hate it, it’s unfair, it’s meaningless, shallow and immature. It’s like emotional dementia, and you think you’re having fun, but really your heart’s just getting stupider and stupider. It’s becoming numb.

So, that’s why I started reading “The Art of Loving.” I want to go back to my roots. Maybe not that hard-core Catholic schoolgirl chastity, but I want to love people with meaning again. If I’ve gotten anything so far, it’s that when you really love someone, there are four aspects involved, according to Fromm. These are knowledge, respect, care and responsibility. To love someone is to know them—what makes them tick, what makes them smile, what they feel even when they won’t tell you. When you really know someone, then you can respect them for who they are, for what they feel, their hopes, desires, ambitions. You admire them. And you take care of them. To love someone is to actively worry about his or her life, well-being and development, whether in a personal or professional sphere. His or her concerns are your concerns. Your lover’s successes, your successes, and the failures yours as well. Where there is no such awareness, there is no love.

I could go on, but the premise of the book is that love is an art, much like any other art, or sport, that you practice and practice in order to hopefully, some day, master it.

Fromm says, “You love what you work for, and you work for what you love,” which means that love is something that requires effort and attention, and it is through that “work” that we grow. It is love that fuels your effort, and it is that effort which in turn fuels your love. I hope I haven’t lost you. Just think about it. Or better, check out the book.

Here’s what I’ll be thinking about and wrestling with this week, trying to figure out what I really want and how to live my life accordingly:

“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.”
Erich Fromm

…Great. More work. But I have a “feeling” it will be worth it.

Until next time,

B

Oxytocin: Love potion?

By Kimberly Clark, Features Staff Writer

Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays some love and the rest love to hate. I don’t care what people claim; there is no middle ground. If you happen to be one of the lucky ones blissfully in love when Feb. 14 rolls around, all the single people out there are really happy for you. They just wish you would keep all the red and pink and chocolate romance to yourself Continue reading